


I Feel it Deep Within, It's Just Beneath My Skin

by grnidshrk



Series: Shades in the Grey: Deep Waters [2]
Category: The Losers (2010), The Losers (Comic), The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Shade Verse, Animal Transformation, F/M, M/M, Psychopomp AU, Slash, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-01
Updated: 2012-10-08
Packaged: 2017-10-31 22:45:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/349163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grnidshrk/pseuds/grnidshrk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moving between worlds, living and dead, the Fade and Life, was normal for Jake and his sister. And for him so was being able to shift into an apex predator, a shark. So why didn't he join the Navy again? Oh yeah, being in the stuck on the same ship all the time without any real access to water sucked.</p><p>Still the Army? It fit him--kinda awkwardly, actually. But it fit better than anything else amongst the Living. Then he met the Losers and somehow despite his solitary lifestyle as a hacker and the instincts that clouded his mind, he found a place he really belonged.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Feel It Deep Within

**Author's Note:**

> In the same Universe as mine and [fabulousweapon's](http://fabulousweapon.livejournal.com/) Hawaii Five-0 series [Shades in the Grey](http://archiveofourown.org/series/7830)
> 
> Also on livejournal [here](http://shades-h50ff.livejournal.com/) with an explanation for the universe on the basics post.

Sometimes, Jake wonders why he didn't join the Navy instead of the Army. Then he thinks about how much the temptation would get to him and that he'd probably be court-martialed for not being at his post, not to mention how stir crazy he'd get being stuck as a comm tech on the same ship all the freakin' time with nowhere to go. 

He scowls when Caitlin laughs at him because his own nature causes him to be constantly in motion and influences his decisions—it's not like her other form doesn't influence her as well. He can't help it that as a shark he has to be constantly in motion in order to breath or that he drinks gallons of water (when available and he carries lots of the special hydrating additives the Army gives its men when it isn't) and carries lotion, hidden amongst his tech, with him to combat his dry skin and that it gets even worse when they're in the middle east. 

He also can't help it that his heritage means he could eat practically anything and enjoy it. He knows that his teammates think he's insane as he eats the local cuisine of stewed eyes, blood soup, or brain tacos but he's eaten things that would kill a normal human. Like the time he was in Japan and had Torafugu done by a guy in the Grey, poison sack perforated to spread it through the meat and add flavor, the tetrodotoxin sending his body into a euphoric high and he's walkin' on clouds for close to two hours after, limbs loose and relaxed. He's eaten these things as a shark and as a man and they've never harmed him, but he's smart enough only to do it away from prying eyes.

He chatters to cover up his oddities and plays pranks to have them focus on what he's done, his never ending words and all the CAPE he's assigned from perfectly orchestrated events keeping teammates and superiors from noticing his stranger habits and snacks. Glasses and the glare they catch from the light keeping them from seeing nictitating eyelids slip over his eyes as he hacks for hours on end or his odd ability to go from completely resting to vicious and deadly in seconds, when he grins, he's careful to keep his teeth blunt and human, and if a few are knocked out in bar brawls or from a pissed off teammate trying to shut him up he never says, they're replaced days after.

He never says a word to his teammates or superiors when he tells a dead comrade he'll pass on their last words as if they'd been alive to tell them, he just sends a letter or an email to the family who's now without a brother or sister—a mother or father.

He thinks sometimes about letting them kick him out so he can just go live in the Grey and get away from all the newly dead, maybe switch between the two and hack banks and terrorist organizations for money for his own survival, but few of his kind choose to live as he does and these men and women need help getting peace as much if not more than the people who live the average American life.

The thing is he's too damn stubborn to just quit when it gets too much or the brass has had enough and they give him an out, so when they tell him he has this one last chance before a dishonorable discharge he kinda shrugs and thinks okay, whatever. He's never gone out of his way to make his assigned teams to hate him or like him but he's not changing how he acts just to stay in until his term is up, and if they have a problem with him they have to kick him out by force. Being in the Army, despite how hard it is between the shit missions and people and having to help the dead men he'd fought move on, is one of the few places he's fit in besides with Lin and Beth.

He figures his next team will be like the rest and he might actually try to hide without being considered obnoxious for once but—

He never anticipated meeting the Losers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter, and this entire piece of work for that matter, comes from "Monster" by Skillet


	2. Eyes Over Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay meets his new tech and thinks there must be something wrong with his reports cause this kid isn't talking . . . until he does and almost doesn't stop.

Clay looks over the blond kid they've tossed to him for a tech this time.

The past few months they've gone through three different techs for just as many different reasons. The first was a man no older than himself and he could barely get their comms to work on a good day, the second was fresh faced kid who had no spine and asked for a transfer three days after meeting Roque. The most recent one lasted the longest but sucked at following orders and got himself killed when he ran in the middle of the last op; if he hadn't died Clay would have had the fucker court-martialed.

The kid in front of him is wearing NSI glasses and is sitting there tapping away on a laptop by the General's office, he's got an ear bud in one ear and is bobbing his head to a tune that Clay can barely hear blasting away from the one hooked into his collar. His intel says the boy is the best at what he does, speaks a few languages, and has a surprisingly nasty habit of looking like the weak link until you get close—then he's known to react to whatever threat there is and either incapacitate or kill in a strange, if bloody, variety of ways. He's also chatty and never shuts up, but he follows orders even if he'll tell you exactly what he thinks of them, your haircut, your, wife, and the fact that she's cheating on you with your 2IC all in the same breath.

When he clears his throat the kid doesn't even look at him, he taps away a few more times at his computer, closes it and slides it into his bag before standing at attention. Clay can see his eyes move as they flicker over him and the medals on his chest and the rank on his shoulders, but his face is surprisingly blank and for all that he figured the kid would start to mouth off at the first chance all he gets is "Sir" and silence.

It's disquieting for there to be such a difference between the kid's file and what he's been told and the Corporal standing in front of him—the thought that his last post did something to smother the fire and attitude he's heard so much about is a worry because he wants the attitude, it's what makes them work so well, makes them the Losers.

"I'm Lt. Colonel Franklin Clay, call me Colonel or Clay. Our team has a house off post and we rotate duties and chores. There are a few rules to follow. Number One: Don't Touch the Hat. Ever. It's Cougar's and you'll see what I mean when we get there. Number Two: Don't touch anything mechanical or half assembled without Pooch's say-so. And Number Three: Don't touch Roque's Knives. Everything else you learn as you go."

He looked at the kid from the corner of his eye as he led him to Roque's beat up jeep they'd been using during their stay at Bragg and watched as he subtly fidgeted and bit his lip to keep from talking.

Jake Jensen hadn't realized how much the talking had become a habit, but now he was having a hard time just keeping his mouth shut. When they were younger, he and Caitlin had known quite well how to be silent, it helped when using the five finger discount for food and other amenities and helped them avoid their mother when she was high on whatever was her choice of poison for the day and whoever she'd brought back with her. 

He had always chattered a little bit, it kept he and Lin close because he wasn't very physically expressive when it came to how he cared about her. But it had taken a long time for him to talk as much around others and now he felt he could barely keep the words inside.

He was so going to be kicked out, fuck all.

"So, touching the "Hat"—and really the way you said that the word was capitalized and had quotation marks you made it sound so serious and some hat seriously doesn't seem to need such importance placed on it but whatever you say, Colonel—anything mechanical—which really I can't touch anything mechanical? You are aware computers are partially mechanized objects, yes? Because I kinda need to use my computer to do my job and with that rule I am obligated to not do it because I can't touch my own tech which is fucked up in so many ways—and Roque's knives—and the fact that you say that with such a serious face and place such importance makes me wonder about this team of yours—is all off limits, correct?"

Clay blinks and sighs, it appears the reports of the kid being a motor mouth weren't exaggerated," Yes, Corporal. And I'm sure you know how to observe which devices you can and cannot touch on your own. I've seen your scores, don't try to play dumb with me, understood?"

Jake blinked through his tinted glasses at his new CO when there was no harsh reprimand for his talking, and grinned at the older man next to him and his leg bounced against the floor of the jeep, "Loud and clear, sir. So what's for dinner?"

"Tamales; Cougar made them, and don't call me sir."

Jake's grin gets wider, almost baring teeth, when he hears that; for all that he loves the Dead's version of food—his kind called that version of the world the Fade, the place after you're done living, dead but not ready to move on beyond death—and the odd things he comes across in other countries, tamales are his favorite ever because of Mrs. Vega. She had started to send him home with some after she caught him swiping food from the customers who had just left the patio portion of her family's restaurant. After that first time, when she wouldn't accept any kind of payment from the malnourished and bruised kid he was then, he somehow managed to do chores for establishment in exchange for food for him and Lin. That was the place where they both had gotten their first jobs. After Mrs. Vega had died when he was fourteen and joined her own mother in the Fade's versions of the restaurant, he managed to get their kind of tamales as well; Mrs. Vega made the best tamales, living or dead.

It's not much, Jake realizes after pushing his random thoughts to the back of his head with the other unimportant streams of consciousness, but Clay doesn't seem to mind his mouth so far. He hasn't crossed the lines like he usually does because he hasn't had the chance yet and doesn't know what buttons to push—he never has been fond of boundaries and he's always enjoyed testing them when given the chance, be they firewalls or emotional and mental ones—but there is something different about Colonel Clay from his past CO's and despite the desire to stay in the Army he wants to know how far he can take it.

That in mind, he doesn't really care when he asks his questions even though it shows he's looked into his new teammates, it's something he's always done. "So, Alverez must be Cougar and Porteous is Pooch, yes? Why do they have handles? Why not you and Captain Roque? Do I get one? Usually that only happens when people go under, like with the CIA or other alphabet agencies and as far as I know teams like this one only clean up their messes. Or are they just officially recognized nicknames, I know of one or two people who have had those."

Clay had stopped the jeep in the driveway of their home during their time at Fort Bragg, and stared at his newest acquisition, "They're just nicknames, names that they've gone by for a while. I'd tell you to shut up and try not to terrorize Roque, but I have a feeling that it would only be a fool's request. So, antagonize him if you must, but know I will only get in the way of him doing permanent bodily harm, understood, Corporal Jensen?"

Jake couldn't help the small giggle that escaped, "Aye, Colonel, but does that mean I can retaliate?"

Clay just shook his head as he got out and made his way to the door, "Like I said, as long as there is no permanent damage, fine. Just be aware if it spills out onto the other two, they can retaliate as well."

Jake was beaming at the back of his new CO's form, already this group seemed a lot more relaxed and accepting of his quirks and he hadn't even met the others, he even had the go ahead to fight back against any hazing or torment doled out. Awesome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title for this chapter came from the song "Little Piece of Heaven" by Avenged Sevenfold


	3. Think You Can Imagine Anything So Lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had to hide his grin as he listened to Roque plan on showing his knives off as much as possible before their next assignment, hoping to scare the kid they were getting out of his wits.

Cougar was stirring a pot of beans to go with the tamales he'd made earlier, listening to his two teammates debate how long their newest member would last.

Their team was notorious for losing the often soft techs the army kept giving them--they either scared them off or they ended up too spineless or useless for their needs. It was rather disheartening when you thought about it long enough.

He himself had only been a part of the Losers for six months; his last team had not been kind and often treated him as second class because of his heritage, something he had rarely encountered during his tenure in the armed forces.

He had to hide his grin as he listened to Roque plan on showing his knives off as much as possible before their next assignment, hoping to scare the kid they were getting out of his wits. It wasn't that they didn't want a permanent tech, it was more they needed one that would not only do their job but could shrug off all of their quirks and stomach the threats that Roque spouted when he was frustrated. Their last tech was a coward and the one before that was so scared of Roque he requested a transfer before they'd ever gotten an assignment, which was interesting when you considered the majority of the threats uttered those few days were towards Clay and his last female conquest.

His ears twitched as they heard Roque's jeep pull up to the house, he turned his body just enough he' d be able to see Clay and the new kid when they neared the doorway to the kitchen. He didn't say anything to Pooch and Roque as they continued plotting ways to wig out their newest member, despite Clay soon standing in the door way with a frown on his face as he listened and a blond head looking over his shoulder. The young face behind Clay had some rather obnoxious green tinted glasses perched on his nose and a goatee on his chin, a grin on his face that seemed to grow and turn slightly mischievous as he listened to his new teammates plot at the table. 

Clay sighed and ran a hand over his face before he addressed them, "Men, Jacob Jensen, our new tech expert. Jensen, Cougar is at the stove, Roque is the one sharpening knives and that's Pooch."

Pooch had the grace to look a bit sheepish in being caught plotting how to haze the new guy with Roque, but Jensen just grinned at him and shrugged, "Wouldn't expect anything less, man, don't worry about it. Just know I got permission to fight back."

Cougar tipped his hat to hide his mirth and heard Roque grunt, "Damnit Clay, couldn't you have given us some warning, slammed a door or something, it's not fun when they know it's coming."

Clay just rolled his eyes at his 2IC, and motioned Jensen into the room, "My apologies, Roque, next time you're plotting to terrorize a team member, new or not, I'll be sure to warn you before they manage to hear your plans and plan their own retaliation." The sarcasm didn’t seem to faze the man as he frowned at his CO and looked at the blond now sitting next to Pooch as he examined the remains of whatever it was Pooch had decided needed to be fixed this time. Dark grey blue eyes flicked up to meet his and the kid's grin this time had teeth showing, almost bared in a threat at him, like a wolf scaring off a competitor.

Roque just kept staring at the kid as he started talking to Pooch about what he was doing, ignoring the threat visible in Roque's own gaze. This kept up until Cougar softly cleared his throat at them and clicked off the burner he'd been using, signaling that dinner was done. All of them but Jensen moved in what appeared to be practiced moves, Pooch and Roque moving their projects and Clay reaching for the dinnerware, Jensen watched them for a moment before he looked to Cougar to see if there was anything to be done. He got out hot pads from the drawer the silent man motioned to and placed them on the table as everyone neared at the same time, different things in each person's hands.

The food, Jensen would admit, wasn't half bad. It wasn't Mrs. Vega's, but the black beans complimented Alverez's cooking and the homemade guacamole and salsa that Pooch had pulled out went well with the chips they had with the meal. The company wasn't horrid after everyone had begun to relax into the meal. He learned that Pooch had a girl named Jolene in Springfield, not too far away from where Caitlin had settled down in New Hampshire, as close to the coast as she could get without being horribly expensive, and that she was basically the center of his entire world. 

The others weren't as talkative, Cougar especially, but Jake felt almost relaxed nonetheless. It was weird for him, the ease he felt around them, he'd never become so comfortable so quickly in the presence of new team members before, but after walking in on them planning his future torment any ice that could have grown between them during that first meet had melted. He even accepted the dish duty, with only a few protests about abuse to the new guy, which Pooch and Roque shoved at him as soon as the meal was over.

Jake often spent a small amount of his pay on off post housing, usually in rundown apartments or places good folk wouldn't be caught dead in, mostly it was because he lacked a filter for his mouth. But he also disliked having to hide any of his quirks more than he had to, especially when they had a mission and privacy was only something they could wish for. Learning that, despite the rather roomy home they'd found, they had to double up and he was bunking with Alverez sucked. The only one not sharing was Clay but his room also acted as an office and was cluttered with a small bed and a desk covered in a surprisingly large amount of paperwork that he and Roque tried and failed to get a handle on regularly.

Lying in a bed just across the team's 'Long Range Eliminations Specialist' was slightly awkward and he couldn't change his tense posture until he heard the heartbeat of the man across from him slow in sleep. He really hadn't wanted to open his eyes in the dark just for his new roommate to freak out when he saw the reflection from the Tapedum Lucidum in the back of his eyes that caught any available light and made his eyes shine in the dark. Usually he could play it off as glare from his laptop, but Alverez—Cougar, he has to remember it's Cougar—had glared at him when he went to get on his baby for a while before he slept.

With an ease most would never expect from him, he moves to sit aside his bed silently and glances around the room taking everything in and making sure nothing will be disturbed or noticed in his departure and _shifts._ The room is still dark but he's no longer in the world of the living, he's in a world of multiple shades of grey and a dark smudged red takes the place of blood and no other colors, he was in the Fade.

It looks almost exactly the same as the house does in the living—Realm? World? Version? Whatever it is, he doesn't really care; it's been years since he and Caitlin realized they were going somewhere different whenever the world turned grey. Each person, either one of their kind or someone who knows about them, calls it something different but each word for it is really just a way of saying they're no longer among the living, they're someplace entirely different and everything but them is Dead or the embodiment of something that's had enough experience to actually gain its own _wants_ and _needs_ despite not being organic.

He keeps up the running commentary about his heritage in his head as he makes his way through the house and towards the nearest bar. He hasn't been in the area for more than ten hours and he needs to get the lay of the land, so to speak. It's not like he plans on getting drunk or won't be back before everyone else wakes, but he needs to get out and explore and make sure he isn't stepping on anyone else's toes by being here. Plus he really wants to find the fastest way to the ocean, to a place where no one will disturb him if he disappears underwater for a few days during leave.

He seriously wanted to mock the bar when he came upon it and found its name to be _Hecate's_ , which worked for several different reasons but if there were any worse or more satirical names, he couldn't think of any. He understood that she was considered the Goddess of the in between, the crossroads, of life and death, and believed to have taught about poison and medicine, but the name was so cliché and stereotypical he almost wanted to just turn around and return to the cot they'd given him at the house. When he sits at the bar and notices several of the drinks have the herbs she's associated with, he nearly rolls his eyes out of his skull he moves them so hard. 

Even so, he orders a Monkshood Absinthe to start with and asks his questions.

He gets his information though he's sure they've had experience with the more volatile and dark versions of his kind, the ones who have twisted and perverted their abilities for power and devour other souls for it, considering the skepticism he sees in the bartenders gaze. The fine line between being a normal Shade and becoming a Demon—it’s the only common name between everyone and their visage is enough to dub them so, especially when coupled with their actions. He feels a pang of disappointment that someone like him fell to that but he understands that despite their connection to Death they're all still just human.

Despite his feelings towards the name of the bar and some of its drinks, he finds himself liking the place. Ila, the bartender, was actually the personification of the willow tree that made up one of the corners in the bar, having been there since the original owners built and ran the bar fifty years ago until they died and their children took the place over. She was a very interesting being to have come across, one of the few object manifestations he'd met over the years, and had warmed up significantly enough to even flirt with him a little before he left.

He was in a relatively good mood when he returned to the house humming "[The Ballad of Barry Allen](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odU1bHaYNDQ)", so much so he didn't notice the pair of eyes peering at him as he shifted back into the living realm, eyes just as bright as his own when in the dark.

Cougar didn't quite understand what he was seeing or feeling, it was something he'd felt as soon as Jensen stepped into the kitchen the night before. He awakened to find the new kid gone only for him to feel that same cool brush against his senses and then watch as he appeared to fade into existence, first grey and transparent, then full of color and solid. He'd seen glimpses of grey people before, specters that he'd only ever mentioned to his abuela when he'd been young, but never had he seen someone do as Jensen had.

However he was a sniper, he was patient; he would watch Jensen and when he had enough information to ask his questions the kid wouldn't be able to get out of answering him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song the title for this chapter comes from is the "Ballad of Barry Allen" by Jim's Big Ego


	4. What Else Can You Prove?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay frowned, knowing he had warned the kid not to touch Roque's knives, and Pooch and Cougar tensed ready to step in if it got messy.

It doesn't take Roque long to figure out that Jake Jensen is more amused by the amount of knives he has on his person at any given time than anything else. In fact not four days after meeting him, he's treated to the sight of the wicked looking blades the kid carries himself. The hunting knife is the first one he catches sight of; it has a gut hook at the end and was serrated along the edge, all of it was wicked sharp and was normally tucked securely into a sheath towards the right side of his back—at least it had been until Roque had caught sight of it.

It had surprised them all when Roque had gone on trying to torment the kid, playing with Jensen's knife, about being more aware of his surroundings until Jensen had grinned a grin that was borderline unhinged and just a mite too toothy and reached around his laptop and pulled out one of Roque's blades.

Clay frowned, knowing he had warned the kid not to touch Roque's knives, and Pooch and Cougar tensed ready to step in if it got messy.

Jake held in the cackle that tried to break free as he watched his new XO fix an ugly stare at him, but he had been tempting fate for a long time now, especially when his sister had a similar fascination with bladed weapons as Roque. He'd learned the basics of knife fighting with Caitlin and the freaks that tried to get him on the streets and he knew more than enough about fighting dirty and using the strength lent to him from the fish part of him when he had too. This was just posturing and once Roque knew that he'd fight back all of it would smooth out, he'd probably still be regularly threatened being stuck with the knives when he would least expect it, but that was all they would be—threats.

The other three watched as Roque snarled at their new kid and stalked towards him, the knife held in a surprisingly loose and ready grip. The two of them stood nearly nose to nose, Jensen almost the same height as the rather tall hulking mass of the XO, and stared at each other for a good moment where Clay began mentally using every cuss in every language he knew about the paperwork that would be generated when his second laid out the tech when, almost simultaneously, the two traded the knives and Roque walked away, no blood spilt.

The other three didn't know how to react, especially with all of the adrenaline their bodies had produced in preparation for the fight they had been anticipating.

Jake's feral smile fell back into a normal grin as he looked at the others as they stared at him, "What? I just dealt with him like I do Lin when she's pissed; they both have this odd obsession with knives and tend to be scary as fuck when they want too. As long as I don't back down or show fear she usually leaves me alone or just smacks me upside the head and cusses me out in Chinese or Spanish." He paused as he thought back to the various times Lin had ever been that angry with him and others, "Then again, sometimes it's better to steer clear of her and the kitchen. She's really good at compensating with unbalanced blades, specifically steak knives, though she did manage to slice through her ex's ear and pin part of it the cupboard door with a paring knife when he came over trying to apologize for cheating on her once."

Clay just stares at the kid before turning and walking out of the living room, shaking his head and muttering about volatile women and thanking a God he doesn't believe in any more that he has rules about getting involved with family of his subordinates. Cougar blinks and tips his hat to cover his eyes and twitching lips, thinking back to his sisters and his abuela and mama telling them the best way to use a knife to either properly prepare a chicken or castrate a man, his father telling him that was why he loved his mother—she wasn't afraid to hurt him when he was being stupid.

Pooch is the only one who laughs and claps Jensen on the shoulder, "Man, Jay, either Jolene and Caitlin are going to love each other when they meet or they'll hate each other with prejudice. My Jo isn't afraid to work someone over when it's needed, I remember when we went out with one of her friends and her fiancé and this 'two dollar skank,' as Jo called her, threw herself at him. Man, I hadn't known that ears bled that much, that Jo could pull out that much hair when she wanted, or leave such deep scratches before that fight. My girl sure can be a right bitch when she wants to be," his grin was the toothy one this time, "wouldn't have her any other way either."

Jensen just laughed a little and shook his head, his mind still partly on Lin and the other checking over his own knife, making sure Roque hadn't sabotaged it in some way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used for the title of this Chapter is "Desperation Song" by Carbon Leaf


	5. No Rest for the Wicked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The scent of the Colonel's preferred cigarettes hits Cougar sharply and he has to concentrate to pull his sense of smell back but it still fills his nose next to the blood that seems to cling to Jensen besides the usual sea salt and seaweed.

Jensen, despite—or possibly because of—the confrontation with Roque, settled in fairly well into the Losers; random trivia, endless chatter, and odd shirts not even a real bother once they got used to it.

It took six missions and two months before any of them began to notice that all of Jensen's shirts had something on them, but that may have been because he started tame and let them get progressively more outrageous as time went on. The deciding factor that proved their new tech mildly insane, however, was a particular shirt that was black with a blue-green bear on it. This bear, of course, was wearing a beret and had some cartoon military clothes on. The worst part was the jagged grin, wild eyes, and the knife it was holding in one hand and the head of what appeared to be a purple squirrel in the other.

The image was marginally terrifying. 

The more disturbing facts were the origins of the shirt and the cartoons associated with it. They all decided that Caitlin had as disturbing a sense of humor as her brother, especially if she was sending him t-shirts with eerily cute homicidal woodland creatures on them.

Cougar watched and listened to Jensen closer than anyone else he'd ever been on a team with. 

He knew, of course, of the family legends his tío used to tell about his bisabuelo and his hermano. Legends of cold spots and sad eyes, of words told for loved ones from beyond the grave; the sound of scales scraping against dirt and coyote howls echoing in the night and painful shrieks that made you shiver in fear.

His abuela had told him, after he told her of the cold and flashes of grey, that he was a special one, a protector like his bisabuelo and his hermano, but she didn't know what they were or how to help him hone his abilities. She didn't know why he could hear more than anyone else, track game or his siblings by scent, or see just as clearly in the night as one would the day; all she knew were that his gifts were given to him to protect, that was what all of the family legends told.

So he continued to watch Jensen, enough so that the blonde man seemed to almost forget he was there most of the time. Almost.

The kid had some interesting habits and was always seemed to be aware of his surroundings, even if he wasn't looking anywhere other than his computer he seemed to know where people were in relation to himself. Even more surprising, Jensen understood his body language as if had spoken, somehow sensing or feeling the more instinctual nuances his body gave. It was more than the other Losers and they had known him for over eight months by then, sometimes he still had to verbalize what he needed. With Jensen, those blue-grey eyes easily tracked and deciphered his movements as if he talked as much the blond man regularly did; it made it hard to observe him without giving his thoughts away but it was excellent practice to eradicate his tells and it was nice to have a conversation where he didn't have to talk more than he wanted too. 

The kid was scary good at reading people and even better at blending in when he needed to, but he was still Jensen with his endless chatter and endless and sometimes unwanted knowledge.

He had to hold back a snicker as he watched Jensen surreptitiously pull out a bottle of cream and began smearing it into his skin, the scent of salt and seaweed gently wafting from where he was sitting, it was such an unassuming scent and he knew none of the others had caught onto it, it was subtle enough, unlike the cigarettes Clay smoked. This wasn't the first time he'd caught the kid doing this, it wasn't even the first time he'd caught him guzzling water when he had the chance either, these were just some of the odd quirks none of the others had caught onto yet. He had been watching the hacker as much as he was able and the list of oddities was slowly getting longer, the man was just that good at hiding his habits.

They were in the Middle East somewhere near the Iraqi-Iran border and had been for the past week, tracking a wanted political refugee known to have connections to several anti-American groups. The man had been evading the teams sent after him for several months and finally they had been put on the job. Jensen was the one to find the most recent and pertinent information on the man's movements—once again proving that the Intel given to them wasn't what they needed, Clay wasn't pleased with command right now.

The place their target was hiding could almost be called a fortress; it had plenty of guards and it appeared to have been built to withstand some heavy artillery but, despite those, the men patrolling the area left gaping holes they were planning on exploiting. 

It should have been an easy job.

Radio silence was not a term or order that Jensen abided by and it had taken them all three missions and a couple of training exercises to learn how to ignore the seemingly endless stream of words; none of them had realized how comforting the chatter was until it suddenly disappeared without warning. Even when Jensen had been infiltrating compounds in previous missions he'd kept up a running commentary, whispered though it was, and the sudden silence was jarring and made the hair on the back of Cougar's neck raise as he listened to Clay begin to bark at Jensen to respond. Cougar's muscles tensed as he crouched in his position ready to spring into the compound to fetch their hacker as an alarm went off and you could hear shouts from Roque and Clay's side of the compound. 

The body had been found.

Clay and Roque had gone to eliminate the target while Jensen was to get as much information as he could from their computers and disrupt any data they had, incoming or otherwise, with Cougar covering them and Pooch had their exit strategy ready.

Cougar could see Clay and Roque through his scope and he tracked them as Pooch flipped through the frequencies Jensen had determined the guards had been using before they went in. Most of the orders coming through the channels were to find the culprits responsible but then Pooch hit one that said something about cornering an intruder near their surveillance system and then there was nothing but a choked off scream. Pooch's eye widened and he looked to Cougar, knowing that the man had been closest to their new hacker given how he'd been hovering since they'd gotten him, and winced at the narrowed eyed snarl Cougar had on his face as he scanned the ground below them.

Clay was cursing up a storm into the comms, threatening to kill the corporal himself if they found Jensen and he was dead, Roque was growling over them and Cougar was so tense Pooch didn't want to touch him for fear of accidental death by a pissed off sniper. Then there was a hoarse laugh and they could hear the chaos in the compound echoing through the comms and they could hear the crazy grin on Jensen's face as he apologized for being unable to answer earlier and says he'll meet up with them at the rendezvous point in five.

Cougar was tense and his eyes were nearly glowing in the dark with his own special quirks he'd worked so hard to hide come to the fore, his sense of smell up high and his hearing so sensitive he has to grit his teeth at the shift of sand beneath Pooch as he fidgets waiting for the rest of their team. Clay and Roque appear next to them, Pooch twitching at their sudden appearance, neither looking happy and Cougar can smell their target's blood on Clay though there is nothing to show that there is any on him but the scent clings on his hands and the knife used. Roque's tense and his eyes glitter in the moonlight as much as any normal human's can and they're all silent waiting for Jensen to appear.

Cougar smells him before he hears him, the tech surprisingly silent as he moves through the cold desert night, sweat and blood and gunpowder floating to him by the breeze that’s also blowing sand in their faces. It's not the hacker's blood, he can tell that much, and he's looking in just the right direction when he sees a pair of glowing grey eyes appear of the dune their waiting behind. The glow diminishes the closer the man gets but the scent of blood gets more powerful and he can see spots of what he realizes are congealing blood in his teeth when he flashes them a quick grin and quips about blowing the joint, blood flecked along his face and hands that the others can't see in the dark of the night.

It makes something inside of him both prideful of what the kid had done and horrified that he feels that way.

The charges Roque had placed earlier blow just after they get into the ride Pooch had stolen from their target and they leave to hit the pick-up point, Clay cussing upstart tech specialists that should know better to scare him like that; that's when they all know that Jake Jensen is there for good because Clay doesn't worry until you're one of his. The scent of the Colonel's preferred cigarettes hits Cougar sharply and he has to concentrate to pull his sense of smell back but it still fills his nose next to the blood that seems to cling to Jensen besides the usual sea salt and seaweed.

Cougar's not quite sure what to make of his new feelings and the information he keeps gather about their tech, but he knows that he going to have to ask the man about it all—and soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The character mentioned for Jensen's shirt is [Flippy](http://www.happytreefriends.com/index.php/about/characters/htf-characters/flippy/) from the [Happy Tree Friends](http://www.happytreefriends.com/) cartoons by Mondo Media. They are insanely cute animals that meet insanely horrific ends. They're incredibly funny in a disturbingly morbid way, if you have the stomach for cartoon gore, check them out.
> 
> I figured they would fit my Jensen's morbid sense of humor, no?
> 
> Also, the title for this chapter is from the song "Ain't No Rest for the WIcked" by Cage the Elephants


	6. I'm on the Outside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The taste of blood in his mouth and the feel of it slick on the grip of his knife sent an almost unwanted thrill up his spine. Almost because he has always loved being what and who he is, but unwanted because it's those very same instincts and desire that separate him from everyone else, makes him see them as nothing but prey.

Jacob wondered to himself about the oddity it was that he had begun to think of himself by his last name. It hadn't really penetrated his brain until he was berating himself, as Jensen instead of Jacob, after getting too caught up in the scent of blood from the two guards that were originally in the room and the information in front of him. 

He'd barely twitched when the compounds alarms began going off, knowing he had but minutes to get everything he needed and focused harder, not realizing he had left himself more open than normal when hacking. Feeling the barrel of a gun pressed against the base of his skull, his body went very still and his mind went into hyper drive. He never really thought what his sudden radio silence would do to his current team, he just followed the orders growled at him and removed the comm from his ear and turned with his hands at waist level in a position to communicate he meant no harm.

Seeing that there were just two men in front of him, he couldn't help but grin; then there was a choked off scream as he moved and sank the very knife Roque had lifted from him before through soft tissue and pulled. The second man fired at him and he ducked and weaved to avoid the bullets, letting his body shift partially into the grey and letting the ones he didn't avoid pass harmlessly through him. Feeling himself become solid just seconds before his fist slammed itself into the carotid sinus, he watched as his opponent dropped and began to seize in satisfaction before he backed up and pulled his knife from the other man, slit the throat of the downed man, and returned to his assigned tasks hoping to finish quickly and get out of the mess he was in. 

A cold shiver washed over him and he tensed, making sure that his baby would continue its job while he allowed himself to full move over into the Fade. There was another man, claws out and teeth shaped similar to that of a wolf; a Shade on the opposite side of him, an enemy. There was a part of him that felt bad for having to kill someone that was, in a sense, kin, but the things these guys were mixed up in weren't good and he couldn't really push himself to feel remorse for what he was going to have to do, knowing what path this man was likely headed towards.

He let his skin thicken and become more like sandpaper, felt his teeth shift and his sense of smell heighten to near unbearable levels as his eyesight became more sharp in the dark room they were both standing in. He felt his respiration slow and the painful draw of dry air against lungs made more for water caused his chest to ache slightly, but he could tell, just by scent alone that the man in front of him was scared, scared and weak compared to him. This would be as easy as hacking into the Pentagon.

Jensen spit out the flesh in his mouth, the taste of warm human/canine blood filling his mouth and he grimaced as he felt his saliva glands work overtime at the taste. There were some things he didn't like about his heritage and acknowledging that there was a part of his psyche that wouldn't mind the taste of his fellow human on his tongue was disheartening when he did his best to walk the straight and narrow amongst the living. 

Slipping the his ear bud back into place, he couldn't help the rusty sounding chuckle that left him at hearing the threats that Clay was leveling at his potentially dead body. The low growl coming from Roque was still going on, but it sounded less dangerous than it had and Clay was only threatening him with the least desired duties (chores) when they got back. He could hear Pooch sigh in the background with relief but Cougar was, as usual, silent. The silence radiated a menace he'd never felt before from the sniper.

It was easy to wipe the blood off of himself and onto the bodies around him, easy to finish what his program was doing and leave the room. Getting out of the compound was slightly more complicated with the guards being frantic with the death of one of their bosses, but considering the scrapes he'd gotten out of before it wasn't too hard.

Seeing a glowing pair of eyes staring at him when he came to the rendezvous point was shocking but the sudden chill he felt of another of his kind felt familiar. Very Familiar. Letting his mind go back he realizes that's why he's so comfortable around Cougar, the man was just like him.

He catches the look the Mexican-American sends him and feels a rush of a affection at the both troubled and proud emotions he reads in the man's face, completely understanding the mixed feelings.

Running his tongue over his teeth, small little clots of blood coming free from them, he ponders about the conversation they're going to have to have about their . . . Otherness.

It's going to be an interesting bout of downtime until their next assignment, that’s for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from the song "Outside" by Staind.


	7. Uncertainty Stinging Clear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caitlin Jensen was not what any of them were expecting but, somehow, she seemed just what was needed to reign Jensen in when he needed it. Sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I've been bogged down from work.

They're back at Fort Bragg and both Cougar and Jensen are acting normal and not.

It's driving the rest of them crazy.

When Clay corners Cougar and tells him to knock off the odd avoiding/not avoiding dance he and Jensen are doing, it's confusing and irritating and really he doesn't need the headache, Cougar just blinks at him like the innocent feline he is.

The heart of the matter is that they really aren't avoiding each other. They're not. They just don't interact even if they're in the same room. Jensen doesn't speak to Cougar, Cougar doesn't look meaningfully at Jensen, but they're still definitely in each other's orbits.

Pooch compared them to the two ships at the end of Pirates of the Caribbean 3 while he was trying to explain the whole situation to Jolene over the phone—the woman just laughed at him and started giggling about their 'masts' touching, causing Pooch to groan and despair that she was his wife. Roque, the fucker, was sitting right next to him and chuckled at his dismay.

As it was, none of them need have worried because as soon as they got word of their liberty—three whole weeks, Clay figured it was the higher-ups being nice because of the shitty intel they had given them or they wanted to get rid of his team and their antics for at least a little while, especially after the small scuffle Jensen and Roque got into with some cocky Cherries who thought they were the best on post—Jensen disappeared. Cougar was tense for a few days after, the two of them may not have been communicating but hell if he wanted to kid to disappear especially when he was just getting ready to bite the bullet and corner the kid about their unique abilities. That was when they got a phone call, a rather gravely female voice coming out and ordering Clay to get himself and his men up to New Hampshire, or there would be hell to pay, damnit. It didn't take much of the woman's rather . . . disturbing threats and impressive imagery for Clay to realize that this must be Caitlin Jensen. 

He couldn't help the sigh he let out after hanging up the phone and ushering the others to grab their bug-out bags and get moving. Glancing at Pooch and muttering at him to call Jolene and ask if she wanted to come, he grabbed the keys and watched as Cougar tensed up slightly, his excitement barely discernible with the poker face he was wearing. Pooch drove and Clay had to navigate because while Cougar could track targets and maneuver his way through various terrains on foot the man was shit at navigating roads and Roque got road rage even when he wasn't driving if he was paying attention to where they were going and the people around them. Navigating the winding forest road towards the house was troublesome because of the twists and all the small side roads leading to other properties but Clay had to admit it was rather beautiful, in its own way.

The modest dwelling the older Jensen sibling and her daughter lived in was larger than Clay honestly thought it would be when they finally broke through the trees shortly after sunset had begun. The older two story Arts and Crafts bungalow was made of dark stones and the parts that weren't were painted grey, its windows glowing in the twilight that had settled. Clay couldn't help the grimace that crossed his face when he noticed the note on the front door, already thinking he had to teach the woman about security and wondering why her brother hadn't taught her already, considering he was paranoid enough. They walked into the house as the note instructed to and were immediately surprised to hear a female voice shouting in another room.

"Damnit Jacob, now look what the two of you have done! Your team is supposed to be here soon, the two of you aren't even trying to hide, and you've torn up the damn sofa! Do you know how long it took me to reupholster it last time? And that was almost four years ago!" They could hear a little girl giggle as they sat down their bags and looked at each other, curious to see what their manic teammate had done. Jolene couldn't help but hide a grin behind her hand as she listened to the woman she'd met once or twice after Jensen had joined the team.

"But Lin—," Jensen didn't get to finish his statement as his sister interrupted him, "No, no buts, your teammates and Jo are here. Go find the damn sofa cover and put it on while I go apologize to them. And Beth you best help him clean this mess up as well, you know better than he does and I expected better of you. Christ."

The woman that walked into the formal living room that was connected to the entryway surprised Clay; she was rather petite compared to her brother's bulk, he had been expecting her to at least be as tall or almost as tall as Jensen but she was short with hair darker than Jensen's sandy blond and eyes so blue they almost glowed. She wasn't exactly slim but he could tell she was in good shape, her movements fluid and her eyes sharp as she took them in, a hand resting on a cocked hip. Her clothes surprised him, he figured they'd be as animated as her brother's but instead she was just in a plain dark purple button down with a grey shirt beneath it and dark jeans. It was so mundane and simple he had to wonder whether the woman in front of him was really the one who had sent Jensen the tee with the crazy bear on it.

"So you're the Knife Maniac, the Gear Head, the chain smokin' Psycho Magnet, and the Cat in the Hat, huh? Funny, I expected ya'll to be more impressive. Heya Jo-Jo," Jolene couldn't help it as she burst into a fit of laughter and walked over to the blond and tugged her out of the room, leaving the men standing there stupefied.

It was Roque who broke the silence, "All the women in our live are twisted somehow, aren't they? Is it us, because I'm beginning to notice a pattern here, Clay. We just seem to attract the crazies or we're related to them." Pooch just snorted and moved to follow his wife, calling behind him, "Don't complain, Roque, they have to be at least a little crazy in order to put up with just one of us. Hell, they put us all on the same team because _we're_ crazy, didn't they?"

Cougar didn't react and began to slink across the room, heading in the direction of a little girl's giggling and Jensen's complaints about evil conniving sisters, leaving his commanding officers to flounder by themselves in the formal living room before they, too, moved in the direction sounds of the two older females talking and mocking Pooch in the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title for this chapter is from "Drive" by Incubus


	8. Reality, Insanity, Strange Normality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotional torture, Skittle and popcorn throwing, and Star Wars. Somehow, it all seemed so normal despite how crazy they all seemed to be. Then again they all were the Losers, they were crazy to begin with.
> 
> Now Carlos just has an answer for _some_ of the crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hover over words for translation

When Cougar walks into the living room he's not really surprised to see bits of fluff from gutted pillows everywhere, but the tears on the couch with the thick foam inside bursting from them is not something he was anticipating. Paint maybe, possibly glue or other substances that were almost impossible to get out of fabric, but not actual rents in the upholstery that looked like claw marks from a wild animal. It made him wonder if the two younger Jensen's had tried to hide a bobcat or some other feral animal in the house and it got loose while they were distracted; he had a feeling that Beth was like her uncle in that respect.

The cool feeling he gets whenever he's around Jensen makes itself known, this time in stereo as he can feel it from both Jensen and little Beth. It takes him a brief moment of recollection but he realizes he'd felt it from the oldest Jensen sibling, too. Realizing that the whole Jensen family is like him, something more and _different_ from everyone else, from everyone in his family, makes something in him relax. He's content to be around others like him for the first time since his Abuelo's translucent grey visage had passed when he was very young. He doesn't know what he is, what they are, but he knows they protect, that they are warriors that won't let others be hurt if they can help it.

And just like that, without having to interrogate Jensen, the tense hungry feeling he's had to tear the answers out of the tech dissolves into nothing but a subtle curiosity. They'll be in New Hampshire for about a week according to what Clay had said about Caitlin Jensen's orders and that was plenty of time to get Jensen alone and ask his questions. He just had to wait; he was a sniper, he was good at waiting.

Jensen watches from the corner of his eye as Cougar relaxes, his eyes warming and telling him more than any words than the man could have uttered. He thanks his conniving sister silently; glad she'd conspired behind his back to drag his team here while he was out in the woods with Bethie. He feels the tension that had been building in his shoulders since their last mission melt away. He breathes easier, like he's back in the water, and he feels his normal enthusiasm returning, the uneven swaying he'd been doing smoothing out into his normal rhythm of movement.

His blue eyes are crinkled in mischief and he has a real, if slightly sharp, grin on his face when he turns to the sniper and throws one end of the sofa cover at him, "Help me with this, Cougs, and then the three of us can sneak into the garage and get a soda or beer before dinner."

A small smile makes its way across the slighter man's face as he does; smiling wider at the giggling blonde girl as she picks up fluff from the floor and savagely stuffs it back into an empty pillow before putting a matching cover over it. Cougar watches as the two fool around as they finish cleaning the room, Beth swiping at Jensen as he moves around the room and Jensen flicking her ponytail. The two drag Cougar into it when the majority of the fluff is picked up and they just have to put things away; dodging most of their advances, he's whapping Beth on the head with one of the pillows and jabbing Jensen in the kidneys as the taller man pulls his hair and Beth tries to trip him. 

It turns into an out and out melee before suddenly, without warning, Beth and Cougar descend on Jensen with pillows smacking him everywhere they can until he trips on one of the stray pillows and his lumbering bulk falls back onto the couch. Beth automatically leaps onto the couch with a hissing growl and takes her seat on her uncle's chest as Cougar secures his hands and Beth has unhindered access to the sensitive area beneath his ribs. The three are having fun, Cougar smirking from his position keeping Jensen captive as Beth attacks him, when they hear giggling and a camera shutter close causing them to turn almost as one to see Jolene leaning against the door jam, her phone in her hand. 

"Dinner is done guys and Cait is cracking the whip. She's got Roque mixing salad, Clay setting the table, and Pooch getting drinks so I think you should put the pillows away, let Jake up, and come on before the food gets eaten." Beth leaps off of her perch on Jensen's chest causing him to let out a strangled groan as she pushes off of his stomach and runs cackling into the dining room where they hear a startled yelp coming from Roque and a curse. They hear a solid smack a second after and Caitlin growling at him to watch his mouth around Beth or she'd do worse. This makes Jensen laugh and mutter under his breath to Cougar as he heaves himself off the couch to stand next to him, "It's not like she doesn't cuss herself, woman inured me to cussing a long time ago; she's got a worse mouth than some of the marines I was stuck with in Afghanistan." Cougar just smirks at the tall blond as Jolene leads them into the dining room, his eyes giving away his bemusement.

Dinner is good, Caitlin and Beth slotting in easily with the Losers and Jolene as if they'd always been there, just like Jensen. Beth somehow worms her way into sitting between Jensen and Cougar and across from Roque, her green eyes glittering with a maniacal glee as she peppers them with questions they can't really answer, questions no normal ten year old should want answers too, let alone know to ask. As it is Roque ends up telling her what happens when you shoot someone with a high caliber round in the head just to shut up her incessant questions before he realizes that this is probably a bad thing to do. They all learn how Jensen can interpret Cougar's expressions when they see the look Caitlin gives Roque, blue eyes looking at him coolly as she takes a drink of her wine with a smirk, death certain in her gaze before Jensen starts to snicker and Beth giggles herself. Clay and Roque still almost break out into cold sweats before Jensen explains that Beth isn't innocent when hearing such things, they've watched worse things on TV together, and that Lin just enjoys torturing people emotionally by doing that.

By the end of dinner, and everyone has relaxed from the scare Lin gave Roque with her silent threats, Clay has become Papa Frank, Roque is Uncle Will, and Pooch has become Uncle Lin with Jolene already being Aunt Jo. They're all cleaning up and Cait and Roque have moved on from threats to discussing the best types of knives when it happens. Cougar startles them all when he places his hat on top of _Beth's_ head when she calls him Ti ́o Carlos. They'd all been waiting for the nickname to appear, but the reaction to it and the care that practically radiates from Cougar's expression as he does it makes most of them go still in shock.

The surprise dissipates when Jensen pokes his sister with his elbow and asks about when she had begun teaching his niece Spanish and if she'd started on Chinese yet, in _Chinese_ , a language that isn't in his file, they stare at him too. Cougar just lifts an eyebrow at the blond man as he continues putting their leftover food in containers and Jensen answers the unasked question in almost perfect, if accented, Spanish, "I learned Spanish from a woman that gave me and Lin our first jobs. She paid us mostly in food, but it was a job and it let us survive."

Part of Cougar freezes when he takes in the meaning of that last part, a piece of the odd puzzle that is their tech slotting in place, but he doesn't let it show and just continues to look at Jensen with a raised brow as the man continues in English. "We learned Chinese and Polish the same way. Sadly, I had to learn Pashto and German in the Army, they weren't nearly as good at teaching as the others were. You know, I never realized but I've had a lot of jobs in a lot of restaurants, go figure." The blond shrugged and continued to dry the dishes his sister handed him as Clay's dark eyes met Cougar's own and he realizes that their Colonel had understood what Jensen had left unsaid as well. 

The Jensen siblings were used to going it alone, probably with just each other as their back up, and had fought for everything they had; it made their home and the knowledge Jensen had even more impressive.

They all relaxed in the now cleaned up living room, the team sprawled out in their usual positions, despite the new setting. They argued over a movie to watch for a good hour before Beth just rolled her eyes and stuck in Star Wars IV, further cementing that she was definitely Jensen's niece as she threw Skittles at anyone who complained or tried to mock the film. Roque actually gets pelted with a two whole handfuls as he snorts when Solo commented about Wookies ripping people's arms out for losing, one from Beth and the other from Jensen, and he glares at them until a kernel of popcorn bounces off the side of his forehead, Jolene smothering her laughter in Pooch's neck as he grins triumphantly at their Second. Caitlin just sighs and shares a long suffering look with Clay as they settle in their seats on opposite sides of the room and continue to watch the movie and keep an eye out for any foul play from the others.

After the movie, with Jolene and Pooch sharing a room and Clay and Roque sharing another, Cougar was fully expecting to sleep on the re-stuffed couch when he's dragged into Jensen's room and pushed towards the bed. He's surprised to see his bag is already there, sitting on top of a large trunk at the foot of the bed, with Beth grinning at him from on top of the heavy dark walnut desk in pajamas with crocodiles all over them and her sandy blond hair in fresh plaits. When he grins and looks her in the eye his shoulders tighten minutely as brown locks with green, green that almost instantly changes into a slitted bronze gaze and a grin with teeth that are too sharp in her child's grin. The comforting coolness that pooled at the base of his spine turns slightly cooler and when he looks over his shoulder, Jensen's eyes are grey instead of brilliant blue and slitted as well. Suddenly he's yanked to the side and he can't help the startled snarl that bursts from his throat, weight already shift to the balls of his feet before he notices the world around him is grey and muted, the entire Jensen family sprawled across the room, relaxed.

It looked like he'd be getting his answers.

Jensen pulls and pokes and prods his tense form over to the bed and settles him beside himself before Beth leaps from the desk to settle her head in his lap, her feet thrown over Jensen's headboard and her eyes gazing up at him in something akin to awe and glee. Caitlin is sitting in the desk chair, her feet crossed at the ankles and her hands shuffling a deck of cards absentmindedly as her still blue eyes just look at him, her gaze thoughtful and considering. He tenses slightly when she moves suddenly and grabs what appears to be a heavy metal ball of some kind perched on a box and then launches it hard at Jensen's head. 

He relaxes as Beth giggles in his lap and Jensen yelps and ducks before looking scandalized at his sister, and glancing at the deep circular dent the orb had left in his wall, "What the hell Lin! What did I do to you?" 

Her voice is a hiss, her eyes black, and Cougar watches with curiosity as fangs drop down from her open mouth and black forked tongue flicks out, "What did you do? What DIDN'T you do is more the question, you should have made sure he knew what you were planning you idiot," she leans forward, her tongue flicking out again and her eyes narrowed, her angered voicing hissing out menacingly, "You should have made sure he even knew what he was to begin with! From the looks of things he has no idea what the hell is going on!" 

Beth is still giggling in his lap, but the giggles are getting softer and her eyes are drooping as his fingers move through her hair as he used to do to his own hermanita, it startles him slightly when suddenly she shifts in his lap, becoming an adolescent crocodile instead of a little girl. The elder two are still arguing about what Cougar does or doesn't know and not paying them any attention when he hesitates but those bronze eyes look at him lethargically, both sets of eyelids moving slowly, and he can't help it when his hand falls back down and he begins stroking the hardening plates along the young girl's back. 

"Ca ́llate."

The arguing pair quiet instantly and look at him and the little girl in his lap. "Oh," comes out softly from Caitlin, "Sorry Carlos. In fact I'm sorry for springing all of this on you. Jake was supposed to find out whether or not you knew and understood all of this before he dragged you here with us." Cougar just tips his hat at her as Caitlin glares at her brother and Jensen scratches at what he knows is a tattoo of a bull, something he wants to know the origin of, "Esta bien."

 

"Do you know what we all are?" The question comes from Jensen, the man's knee bouncing up and down in place as he watches everyone in the room. He locks eyes with the tech and lets his eyes change, letting go of the tight grip he has on the senses he uses to track, "Algo." Jensen grins at him, teeth sharp and jagged, "Do you know where all of these abilities originated from?" Cougar narrows his eyes at the man, "No, pero mi abuelo y mi tío abuelo fueron los mismos." Caitlin just nodded as Jensen hmm'd, "It runs in families. Jake and I think it was our father that passed our abilities on to us because our mother sure as hell couldn't do what we can. That is probably a good thing though." Already black eyes seem to darken as something he can't see or hear passes through her mind's eye and Jensen continues the explanation, "We learned from an old Chinese woman that owns a restaurant here in the Fade what we are and, well, Chinese too. This place, the Fade, is basically a world of death. Or probably the world of the Dead, I really don't know what to call it. The best we can figure is that this is where people go when they die before they move on. We are Death's kids, his grand kids, and every other permutation that we can be. Our abilities are small branches of Death's own and we use them to help. Most of us, at least."

Cougar looks at them before looking down at the little girl in his lap, "La transformación?" Caitlin answered this time, looking at her little girl with soft eyes filled with what he could only term as love and hope, "Death has no permanent form and I believe that us being able to change is to help us not only protect ourselves and other spirits but is just a small amount of proof that we're Death's family. Very few other deities that I know of can change the way Death changes, even if it is always constant."

"If Death is even a deity," Jensen's voice says back while Caitlin glares at him and rolls her eyes, "Personally I think Death is just a manifestation of a universal constant, a being that doesn't give a rat's ass who you are or what you've done, just that you die as you're supposed too."

Cougar shares a fond look with Caitlin at Jensen's rant and nods, looking at the girl in his lap again before looking at his teammate, "Y tu? " Jensen knows what the man is referring to immediately, jumping tangents easily, while Caitlin's brow furrows in confusion, "I'm a Tiger shark, it's one of the reasons I am always drinking and carry around moisturizer, I'm made for water. The only reason I joined the Army instead of the Marines or the Navy is because I don't think I could handle being around water that much without disappearing and being thought of as going AWOL when I go for a swim. Bethie is an American Crocodile, and Lin is a Black Mamba."

Caitlin tilted her head at Cougar and asked, "What do you think you are, Carlos? Your eyes are a more green-gold now instead of a dark brown." Cougar frowned and looked at the two older blonds before looking at the girl in his lap and running his fingers across her plated back again, "No lo sé." With a soft grin Caitlin shook her head and moved over to him, picking up her daughter before walking to the door and glancing back as she left, "Well, I'm going to put her to bed. Just relax and think of not being you, of freedom and how you'd feel more comfortable out there instead of in here with us."

Cougar couldn't help but quirk a brow at Jensen as he grinned at him and wiggled in the place he'd taken at his desk a little while ago, "Com'on Cougs, I wanna see if you are the same as your namesake." Cougar grinned and shook his head before closing his eyes and thinking back to all of the times he's felt that small part of him pushing a change on him that he wasn't sure he wanted, that one barrier he had yet to cross. 

When he opened his eyes next he could feel himself still sitting on the bed in the same spot as he was before and Jensen's mouth was open slightly, wonder in those grey eyes, "Damn, Cougs." When he looks at his own body he sees paws with white and gold fur with dark brown and black spots and a long tail winding its way around in front of him. He's a cat, at least, not a cougar, but either a leopard or a jaguar, but he's not quite sure. Taking a leap of faith he decides to think about being human again and suddenly he's got his opposable thumbs and no tail. There is no feeling of fur being shoved back in his skin, or bones breaking or snapping back in the right places, just a subtle shift of grey as he becomes his human self once more.

Jensen is grinning at him with a smile to sharp to be normal and he grins back, letting his own animal come to the front and feeling sharp teeth some how fitting in his mouth. He can't help but breath out the only word he feels can express how he's feeling, "Increíble."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title comes from the song "Boum Boum" by Enigma


End file.
